First Love vs First Heartbreak

Heloooo. Fuh lama bethol tak update. After 2 years ya hahahahha. Alhamdulillah sekarang dah masuk ipg dah and currently in semester 3. For now tengah sem break. And 6/8 ni insha Allah naik sem baru which is sem 4! Pejam celik je kan hahaha. Everything flew too fast. Sekarang dah pandai main align la hahahaha. Zaman baru nak berblog dulu yela noob tak reti nak adjust. Now da reti sikit hihi. Oh ya doakan result sem 3 yang akan keluar ahad ni!!!!!!! tacod!!!! doakan saya dapat kekalkan atau naikkan pointer aamiinnn. (updated: i got 3.87 alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah terima kasih ya Allah)

Okay back to the topic, macam macam jadi throughout these 2 years. Anddd guess what. Yes, i found my first lovee for the first time after 19 years being single hahahha. but, sadly it not stay too long. just 9 months. But, all i wanna say is, he is the first man i love so much after abah. The man that gives me reassurance, the man that never raise his voice neither his hand on me throughout our relationship, the man that beyond my expectations. The one yang gila gila, yang bole masuk dengan saya. He loves to make annoying jokes and riddles. Like, tikus apa yang Islam? the answer is mouselim???? HAHAH. Despite of that, thats what makes him unique and i fall onto him. Plus, he dont smoke neither vape or pod and seangkatan dengannya. ya Allah bersyukur gila????? LIKE MANA LAGI NAK CARI LELAKI MACAMTU ZAMAN SEKARANG. sebab kalau tak merokok pun paling2 mesti vaping. but he not like that. he's diff than others man. how lucky i am met him <3 

Dia selalu sabar dengan perangai saya. Let say if im not in a good mood, hes gonna cheered me up by giving motivations, datang ipg and gave me bunch of chocs?!!! I LOOOVE IT SM. HE REALLY LOVES TO SPOIL ME WITH FOODD :<<< sini takde sape baca kan hehe so nak address him as ayang la. i love to ask ayang to singgah ipg. ayang layan je kehendak saya :< sekalipun tak pernah merungut or cakap taknak ke unless hes already has a plan. astu sebelum singgah tu mesti ayang tanya nak makan pape tak, ada craving pape tak. astu kalau saya mintak belikan sekian sekian, ayang tak kasi bayar balik yihhh. tapi ingat saya nak dengar ke???? memang takla HAHAH. saya bayar balik okayyy. selagi belum kahwin, im not under his responsibility. saya faham niat dia nak belanja as im his girlf kan. saya je yang tak selesa cs i should know my limit right hehe. tapi ada je dia belanja jugak. degil tau orang nak bayar dia takasi ishh. metaceh ayang <3 moga murah rezeki awak aamiin. ANDD YANG PALING SAYA TAK BOLEH LUPA BILA KITA KIRIM BELIKAN SABUN BASUH BAJU BUT TURNS OUT DAPAT BUNGA SEKALI??!!?!?!111 HAHAHAH SUMPAH TIME TU NAK JERITTT SEBAB HAPPY + EXCITED + TERKEJUT. tapi more to terkejut la sebab sumpah tak expect pape????? dahla time tu dah nak maghrib tauuu hahashahssh. jap i attach the bouquet.

CANTIK GILA KAN T____T

Belakang tu ayang hehe <3 BUT TIME NI SHAKY YE SEBAB EXCITED HASHAH

My beautiful daisy <3

EKSAITEDD ANGATT CS THIS IS MY VERY FIRST BOUQUET IVE RECEIVED SEPANJANG 19 TAHUN HIDUP :<<<<<<<< 

He's the one yang ajar guna discord. sajejee install sebab asal tanya buat apa mesti dia cakap lepak dc. astu kita pun cam hmMMMmmmM seronok sangat kew. tu yang create acc tu hahaha. and yep, my dc memang ada dia je. no one else. and ada satu channel tu ayang buat. it called our place. macam tempat untuk kitorang lepak samasama but via virtual. omey kann <3 sekarang nak chat sana pun pikir 2345569034 kali huhu. tatotttt nanti ayang marah/tak suka. saya selalu je masuk channel tu. cs thats my comfort place. even awak dah tak singgah sana, but that place will always have special place in my heart gittew. janganla buang :< tu pun antara kenangan awak dengan saya juga. and saya harap awak tak left dc tu, one fine day :)

My first ayang ever. now 6 July 2022, 2 months 6 days after we broke up. kitorang break pun ada fasa juga. lepas break tu i told him that i cant stop loving him secara tiba tiba. so ive stated early that i'll not gonna move on dalam masa terdekat ni. and he understood me. we still in contact, asking about our activities in a day. still gurau gurau like we used to :) but after that incident, we decided to cut it off. dia macam go through double heartbreak tau :"D sedih dia takyah cakapla ek. sampai sekarang i still struggle a lot to heal. i still cry whenever i read our conversation, starred messages, hearing your voices, staring at your pictures & videos and anything related to you :) And i realized maybe i'll never heal. im just get used to the pain :) until now, saya tak delete lagi about him dekat my higlights ig, header twitter pun belum tukar lagi hahah. still gonna keep them sampaila awak suruh saya buang nanti hehe. saya harap awak tak stalk la heheheh tapi tak kot saya je berangan lebih huhu. setiap barang yang awak bagi saya still simpan lagi. even plastik chocolate & botol skincare yang awak pernah belikan tu pun saya simpan. baju, tudung, kasut semua saya still pakai until now. cantik sangat, saya suka <3 terima kasih sebab tak pernah berkira dengan saya :) 

Until now, i still keep my prayers to Him. Saya percaya one fine day nanti mesti Allah jawab doa saya kan hehe. ayang pun doa la sama saya jugak tau tauu. saya ada created journal dekat ws untuk track my daily feelings and emotions untuk satu hari tu. and the journal about you lah ofc. i think im gonna update it sampaila saya rasa penat nanti? nantii lepas kita getback (eh taknak la nak kahwin terus AAMIINNNN), saya nak tunjuk dekat ayang journal saya tu so that you know how much it hurts for me experiencing my first heartbreak ever :( and sehingga detik itu, *cehh gitu ayatnya*, saya harap ayang dalam keadaan baik baik je. jaga diri, jaga iman, jaga hati, jaga solat, jaga adab, jaga hubungan dengan ibu ayah, dengan member, dengan stranger, dengan Allah. saya pun tengah nak improve diri ni. ayang doakan saya istiqomah okay? nanti dah balik shah alam take care okay. saya takut betul kalau awak dah balik sana, lagi lagi when im nobody in your life anymore... takut kalau ada orang usha awak macamana.... what if ada perempuan yang bagi sunscreen, cream puff and so on 😭saya dahla jauh daripada awak nanti... tak sanggup la nak bayangkan if one day tetiba nampak awak up story/status you've found another girl.......sumpah tak kuat rasanya time tu. and i reaaaaally hope that it'll never happen 😔 jahat kan saya,,,, tapi saya takut.... 

as for me, cukupla sekali ni je in relay. you thought me what being loved feels, what it feels like to share our story for whole day to our beloved one. how does it feels when someone patiently and excitedly waiting at the midnight just want to talk to you. banyaaak sangat saya belajar daripada ayang. terima kasih. your existence in my life really means a lot. dari sudut positif & negatif, saya terima dan belajar untuk improve diri ni. sekarang kalau ada ootd saya yang cecantik saya taktahu nak share kat siapa hahah. theres no one i could share with, nak post socmed pun saya malas. sebab saya nak ayang yang tengok dulu gambar saya :( nanti dah post dia tak jadi exclusive. hmmm. oh ya ayang sekarang tengah week 13 kan. you must have a looot of work to do. kesian ayang. sorry bb, i couldnt be there during your lowest point. saya rasa ralat sangat. sedangkan awak always beside me during my downs. tiap kali ayang update story macam sedih, saya risau and wonder. ayang okay ke? ayang ada benda jadi ke? ayang penat ke? i reaaallllyyy want to comfort you so bad. tapi mestilah awak tak suka kan nanti. so, saya mampu titipkan doa je. supaya segala urusan ayang dipermudahkan, dimurahkan rezeki & dilindungi walau dimana saja awak berada aamiin. 

baru sedar panjang betol saya taip. pasal awak saja ni tauu hahaha. im sorry if i look like desperate. but this is one of my ways to heal. saya harap awak tak baca sebab maluUUUU hahah. okaylah i think i'll stop here. take care sayang, saya tinggalkan awak dalam jagaan Allah ya? moga ada jodoh kita berdua allahumma aamiin. I'm still loving & missing you as always, AA.